With the headline news earlier today of Derrick Turnbow’s designation for assignment, the Brewers have officially commenced the disassembly of one of the more absurdly constructed bullpens of recent memory. Yes, folks, Doug Melvin spent this past offseason building a veritable junk heap of formerly famous one-inning guys. The Brewers compiled Frankenstein’s bullpen nearly entirely out of the discarded parts of one-time closers’ dead bodies. Melvin bet nearly $25 million of someone else’s money that pitching coach Mike Maddux, one of the great bullpen journeymen of the modern era, could sew the parts together into a lead-protecting and damage-minimizing short relief machine.

Needless to say, even the best laid plans go awry with alarming regularity. But that is too generous; these plans were far from the best-laid. Melvin began by signing Eric Gagne, whipping boy of the otherwise placated Red Sox nation, to a one year, $10 million dollar note. Yep, the guy used to be real famous, so let’s bring him in. Hey, remember when Salomon Torres used to do his rubber arm routine as the closer for the Pirates? He must be good too. Sign him up. Oh man, I always liked Derrick Turnbow. He was a real nifty closer in 2005 before he burned burned burned us in 2006. But hey, when you can’t make the tough decision between the devil you know and the devil you don’t, take them both! Hey, David Riske is actually a decent pitcher, but more importantly, he spent April of 2004 getting carpet bombed by opposing hitters in ninth inning duties for the Indians. Three years at $13 mill should do the trick. What’s that? Seth McClung is available? Apparently Doug Melvin had a fantasy team in 2006, because nobody but a fantasy manager would remember McClung’s short-lived status as the presumptive closer for the Devil Rays entering the 2007 season. Alright, that one didn’t work out so well for Seth, but Doug Melvin decided to trade for him as a closer-in-waiting type to stash on his bench. Hell, even Guillermo Mota was a closer (for the Marlins in 2005, before his arm fell off). Plus his name is slang for marijuana in Spanish. (He got suspended for the hard stuff in 2006, though.)

The worst thing about compiling the most expensive bullpen in baseball is that relievers tend to be so damn fungible, and their performance so damn unpredictable to all but the most savvy of gurus. Add to that the sheer incompetence with which this bullpen has been managed, and you have a nasty little blemish on the chances of an otherwise competitive team.

This entry was posted on Friday, May 2nd, 2008 at 2:46 pm and is filed under Brewers, Derrick Turnbow, Doug Melvin. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.